I'm abotu to lose it I think

I wear a bracelet on my arm to control my sad emotions so I never have to show my weakness and go through the staring eyes. But I was about to brake in class I don't really know why. I now hate and dread going to school I Lost something today too. Something that I kept scene ever. I I just know I will slip up with all this thats going on. Theres nowhere I can go to be alone.

I can never let out any tears like this last time I waited like this I allmost jumped. I hate that I can't talk to people. Whats wrong with me and why is my heart hurting??

I'm use to it...

Really last night was fun I saw a movie with people only I have to the movie was boring. Then we all didn't know what to do so we all went around for the busses people took. Although I have to walk most of the time.

well then I was just walking with Salman. Geez he wants to know way to much plus I told yet again something I regret already. I can never say what I wanna say though talking about love you know I don't like it..well when I have to talk it doesn't work I can't say much anymore.

I try to block everything out so when I have to think about it I'm not prepared. Yeah.... I guess I hide my fears very well... Somtimes when all though thoughts come bake I do break inside I'm not the robot you think I am. But I am use to being this way now I can't show tears I maybe never well intill one day I held it to long then I break in half and I can't fix my self anymore then what? Then I just.............

triple baka

I am stupid for telling such a thing.. It doesn't count if it hasn't been week How come I'm only good at keeping secrets if they are not mine...ehh I need to work on keeping my mouth shot but some things slip out I guess..

I would writ more in detail if I could keep this only on here in the first place.. I'm not going to give up on making friends yet. I need they to survive school...I am not a good loner cuz I get lost way to much.

I look to the bright side and know that do have good friends and chocolate---=)

The nightmare

It feels like when I'm in school lost it all one big dreams but I can never wake up from. I'm dieing of loneliness. I feel so bad for hating it there and I feel worse for being jealous of the others in there schools not having any trouble at school... empty empty empty ect. I hope that it gets better but odds are I well be that ghost that you see but you well never notice....

I feel this welll be harder and harder over time..I want some one to save me I have math but I can't pull my self to do it.

Great fun! =)

So may Saturday started out me waking up Going to Gränby helping my friend Salman to find a nice gift for Sophia... Earrings are always nice. Then I went to his place to see his new kitten.. It was so damn cute It looked like my old cat^-^ anyway then all of a sudden we went to meet up with Gustav and Alan it was scary at first but there funny guys and it not akaword so much as it use to be with Gustav anymore so yay.

Yeah so then Akash came and we got on the train tothe Sophia house. It was great I didn't Have to pay for the train that time.. So we got there and it was like us then Hanna showed up. Shes fun because she is almost as weird as me. As Night went on we played things, went out and got to call someone ugly. After it it was 10 something Me Salman Gustav said we don't wanna go home so lets sleep here. So we did!

Oh yeah I met a guy Named Steven. He is such a nice guy. (He bowed to me)
He like Amine he says Damn it alot lol.. I hope to become good friends with him.

So like Akash Hanna and Alan went away. We watched a movie Silent Hill but I think with out the guys talking and making fun of it I would have falling asleep on poor Salman. Hes a wuss for scary movies but it wasn't scary then we went to the bed and.... I well skip that part.

When we went to sleep it was 4 something and so when I woke up we all did and talked some more. We eat some lift over cake and yeah some time Gustav and Salman went home then. Steven came over again and we went to his house and back and played Happy dance game... That was pretty much it till I went home a eat some food.. And here I am

I hate it!!

I really hate taking those pills....

I don't care if they make me a better student. I lose wight and when I come home I can do anything allmost not even watch anime or play gaia..plus it makes me feel so bad that I have tears in eyes and I can't help it..

It makes me think too much about things that I hide away. It makes me realize how lonely I feel.
At the school I'm now going to. I feel like an out cast already.. but its only the first day. It could get better right?

I can't help to feel envies of Sophia and Hanna.. They get the chance to see each other and Say what they want to the others and make new friends....Its all in english too.
I think this is what they call left out..

I don't wanna give up though I wanna make friends too!
Only I don't want to lose my old ones just because I'm in another school. I don't know why I'm still crying. Its not that bad I like my class, there nice and most of them like hard rock.....but there still all in groups I have no place in groups for real if its 5 or more people.

I always run away..I hope that I well be and take part soon, maybe if its just a couple of words.

Thats all for this week

try not to be so negative

Thats what people tell me... I guess I can't help it I also have a huge trust problem now days I got hacked to prove it.. I play Gaiaonline.. I'm super scared to go to school in the swedish place I have bad dreams about it-_- but I guess or hope it won't be that bad.

We have some Italy type people coming over yay -_- Well I guess it can't be helped

One week left

Till school I haven't been on much but its still all ok for now