I'm getting paranoid

I am about this stupid blog, Only I don't wanna stop it just because some people I might not want to read this does. I don't mind tell people like this what I think but if they start talking about it in public then I might not enjoy it so much.


Don't expect me to tell you how I feel, in fact if you ask I will most likely say I donno or I'm great.

I just remembered the promise that I made him. How silly he wants to know a promise that I want to break... I might not tell him but I might too.. I have a habit of telling something but they always want to know more. Oh and I failed at getting an a wow account, some things were not meant for someone like me. I think I will take a nap from all this, I don't wanna get caught by my mom , she'll wake me up and say your not gonna sleep through the night. I don't care sleep is my friend.

Cabin trip

First it was such a nice day, really sunny and warm. Me and Sophia met up at like 12 and went to the buss that like took us to the woods. So we walked and it was long then we got there no one was there to claim it so we put our stuff there. We went back for the others. The people that were to come were there, but some of them took off anyway, I still got gifts... Yay! so we hung out and I told some stupid thing I regret because if people want me tell them something its hard to say no. I never say noo, Well I do but it doesn't get very far.... We made a cave type thing it was really weird and fun, Oh yeah we did eat some hot dags before that. =)

Then when we woke up we laughed, ate and cleaned up the place. ( when I say we I mean Fia) then we walked out of the woods and said our goodbyes. On the buss I was super tired but I hung on as long as I could... I just came home took a nice shower and now I will take nap..



SLEEPY TIME!

What if

So it been some time ago sents I said any thing here...=_= Hanna reads it now... Oh will I guess its just as well. Yesterday was fun it reamed me of old time super much! We went back to the old school said hello and stuff then I went to hang out with Fia and turtle we got waffles.. I get so hyper when I eat alot of suger its nice, because it makes me happy. Tomrrow I some how think its gonna be troublesom... People are not gonna like to walk that far. Lucky though Fia will come early and help me check the place out..

I have two history type thing to write but they can wait... I hope it doesn't rain because if so... I donno.


I still dislike my school but I like Markus and anna.... Anna has crush on me I think. O.O I'll tell more later on that.

I was thinking

I was thinking what he said... He said if I wanted to to do something like jump off I should talk to him.. But I can't really be sad when I talk to him I'm not allowed. I somtimes wonder if peopel read this would they know what I'm talking about,

I guess it doesn't matter too much yesterday I cut myself so deep its still hurting but it is a release
I can't help myself...somtime when I get really depressed- It will just git worse..

I finlly broke

I broke and it was just that my mom asked whats wrong... I shut everything in when I'm sad or angry. She came in I could have held it in if she would have went away but she didn't I brok in to tears she saw the cuts on my shoulder I thought I was doomed. but it wasn't that bad she said that if I hated school then I could take a brake from it.... I'll bring this up later

I'm shaking

I'm afraid of being left alone.... I don't know what to do I really don't. My heart tells me to give up.

I shouldn't be selfish though. It doesn't matter if they don't care right? tonights culture night but I feel like I won't get to be with anyone.. It hurts though. the sadness is alot. Hanna said just ask rebacca if you can hang out with them but I always had a feeling they never really like me. I guess I will go....

No I can't be around town seen with no one its lonely and I would want to get hit by a train...I can't expect people to save me....I'm not allowed to be sad!!! I'm the worst screw up ever nothing will go right for me I really can already tell whats going to happen.

Its almost 3 my eyes are watering but that doesn't matter.

This class is boring

Really we hae to saurch for things thats all I shall fail anyway sents it all in swedish. Oh will

Let's get these teen hearts beating faster.....lol

What a good song... Today I was on the edge of losing it I started to cry in math class. At least no on saw me.n We took pics witch I couldn't bring myself to smile...Oh will. How ever when math tarted I got to know a girl named Anna I thing it was. umm she was talking to me I was surprised because no one does. The this guy named I don't remember. I guess today wasn't that scary maybe its turning around for me.



I saw this really cute emo guy painting the hall and he caught my eye like he was interested. I wanna find him again.... Right now I wonder what I will do. I'm thinking about watching ecchi anime or horror might do as well

The smile

I was strong yesterday. I invited at least one person over and well it was for math but really don't like math. at least I did lean some things. I know though I well do most of it from the back of the book.

Anyways We were just hanging out played some games. I am the worst at games but there still fun.
We talked so serious that I almost was about to crack. I smile even if I'm talking about death I smile. Then it got late I walked him up to the main road. He hugged me I guess it well take some time before I get use to hugging. Then I got my computer taken away till Monday but when I woke up it was back so I went on and started writing in the blog . Weird people make up your mind....

Its weird when he was walking away I got a tear in my eye.... weird

Everything is fine I guess

Its nice to be brave and stuff...

I'm still here.

I'm still here and I seem to be alive even though it doesn't seem like it. My eyes look really dead and tired. I am infact relly tired I didn't sleep much last night my 8balls fault. I was asking it Well I do good at school tomorrow? It said I have my doubts, I asked will things be better for me in the futuer? Are you kidding! Will have to end it all? Yes ... Its an evil 8ball anyway I really wonder if I can do this.......

I'm trying my best just to take care of myself alone. I wonder if I lied yesturday? I did say I would never kil my self becouse I had them but I mean this place makes me feel so down I feel like crying even though I would never in such a place, where I am now. I guess I well have to chat with my friends agian tonight. I will gather my strangth......

Just thinking about it makes me smile. However the bullies are allways so troublesom nothing I can't handle though.
I have been trying not to skip classses so much..

I really hope that I get away from here....
I really hope that see people over the week. I need them or else I can't fix myself.
I'm trying to fix myself just to break agian.

I am displeased

displeased about the fact that I can't beat their score. I well when I get to a slow computer or that hack......... geez I wonder what I'm gonna do next.....I should invite somone over but... the problems like it always is..


Ya know when I I younger I siad I would never cut myself what good does it do.. I realize now that it makes me less and less sad but I worry I might have horrible scars on my back.

I'm really tired of this life. All I can do is daydream this life away.. I put my self in another place with people that really do care and I never have to beg for their attention. Insted of my friends making me feel worse it gets better............Thats all I really want

Nice ending

I didn't go to math...yay I went to go hang out with Fifi in the tea club it was nice they had a weird sausage tea.. Any way I was a little nervis to go in because I said what if they don't remeber me then as we walked in one of them yelled Pathkiller is here.. My name is pretty cool there. I got to meet Olaf (I donno how to spell it) Hes tiny but he was nice. For some reason I just wanna pat his head and give him a cookie. Well It seen like I have met and made friends at the Katta school but not at my own.. they were say Boland sucks. I agree though,

There is noway to change now though I well live through my mistakes..
Anyway I was on my way home or at least to the buss stop when I was suddenly asked "Do you speak english!" I said yeah and then he shook my hand and kept asking me things.

Although a little confused why he just started talking to me I remained friendly just going along with this.. He was weird He had curly red hair and beard he had a white hat on too. for some reason he knew I lived in Salabaka. umm then my buss came I hopped on and went home...

I'm ok right?

I still think about my old class all the time I wonder what there up to and how weird that I never see them that much.
In a way it sucks here at this school I feel so out of place its not even funny. I even the my lucker were no one else has theres. They ran out of places..... I have no freinds So I don't talk much inless I have to. I am on the school computer there so slow I think I should just bring my own... I happan to be skiping the next class but I have a good reason this time. Maybe I should go home now?

No one will notice if I leave or stay. Its really troublesom to be lonely. I really hate it here. I never ever wanna go to the lunch hall ever. I heard from somone that Ingrd wants to change schools.. I know nothing much about her though I never talk to her anymore. I'm thinking nest wensday I skip that day because I mean gym computer and math is so empty.

All I have to do is make my self do the math work at home and try my best at Swedish... I well need tons of help but I will Get maybe Sophia to help when ever I try to ask for help for Salman he sounds annoyed so I just dont that much plus that guy plays wow way too much. When I do get the trangth to ask anything I well seldom do it agian.

Well I think I well sneak out of here its really cold in here.