I love the thought of hope

I love the oldies music. I offen wonder if I was made for more like the 40's 60's maybe. I'm so in over my head right now I can't stop anlizing people how they smile how they dress.. I know its know good to pry though. This girl at school named Frida puts up a plastic smile more then I do. Ok anyway The news for my grades and how I'm getting along with my new class its all ok. EVERYTHING is ok.. Hmm there's only two people who stood up saying "No you aren't!" To those peoples I can only say Your smart but don't get ahead of what I tell you in person.

not really

Tomorrow I start in art so I can hardly wait or breath. I was kinda down just a min ago for the fact that I'm like some girl in some book and even though some things are the same,,Some things are not! I just have to find a reason.

Well I guess things are going a little ok right now witch means something well go wrong.
I'm not crazy I just know how the world works. With my health in the way and taking the pill that makes me do better in school but not for my heart. So its ether be normal and I make make my self study like other people, or I can I can not take it and not risk my heart rate going to fast. ether way I lose; ehh I'm getting paranoid To me people play to many head games..Well I guess I kind of start them >.< Standing on my toe's Smile, behave stay quite but not silent. So many things to remember. The only reason I'm still writing here is because.....

Don't say no

I took the "Find my way pill" today so I feel out of place. My mouth feels dry and my hearts beating fast for no reason. Gotta pull myself together, tomorrow will be scary but it might help if just a little bit.

Did he fall in fove with me?!

The text message scared me. I can see through it,

guy: "Do you have a boyfriend?"
Me: "nope"
Guy: "ok ;)"
Me: "why"
Guy: "I'm as cute as you are I'm surprised you don't have one"
Me: "thanks"
Guy: "are you doing anything Friday?"

I just goes on like that. >.< Ok I'm not sure what to do about it.
I have alot of problems right now, besides him, I now have to deal with my mom and her threats to take me to a Doctor about my weight.

Should I follow my head or heart?
I wanted to say for a long time but I'm a little Bi. *few* I thought I wouldn't be able to say it here, I guess it don't matter to much.

I may be stuck in one place, but I'm trying my best!

Blury eyes

Right now my heart doesn't feel right. I took that pill today so now I feel like bleh.

I can't write much because theres too much to say.

Ya know?

Its only weird faze it has to be. I mean theres >.< onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg8ePyecCrXhLVj8ghMurBdsXZO71VeH74O7XxIZQ4Z6NVITew9gfiJZM6XGfIw_aPzFo6PYXOjVzIciR0zom3zk_D-G21U7SjIjiSdLYEfK3E3Jbu8XlI56GuYv3CxMdRqN_7rgSwV-s/s1600/4823.gif">thing more in life. Only some days I feel like dieing but then if I do people will be hurt I know they will and all but then I think if I keep living isn't this like I'm already dead. I guess I just bored of life. My gang has quit as a gang I asked why..>.> CJ said he has too many problems to take care of every thing like that right now. So no more jobs for me I guess. Any how lately I been drinking energy drinks they do make me hyper and people say they arent good for me. Well I know all that they do taste good though.

I wonder sometimes if I should keep writing on this thing because I only write as what I feel right when I feel it I always regret what I say after --> I'm giving someone a break right now chating wise. I think this time I will just stop trying.. That gets you nowhere, I will move my game plan.

Max came over today and played games, and I got to pratice on my guitar some. I haven't done it in a long time but I'm making myself do it every day. I gotta try my best right? ^^

umm

Nope-ish I think life is fun only My heart is still telling me to end it. I will in spring, so I wanna have fun wa'll I can.

Here I go.

Lately I haven't seen him on I'm gonna say something so this awkward moment goes away. umm I hope it goes well.>.< Damnit anytime now.... uhh I did it now I'm dieing because I'm bad this is bad My fears coming true I won't be able to shake it this time. I chosen my time my place how is easy.

off track

Yep nothing says fail when even friends don't work. Its happend before, I was able to fix it, but now I don't know if I can...If my thoughts are correct. I have a PTA. tomorrow so I'm just hoping I won't cry in it..Its happned before. I'm gonna go see Fia today so I should be ok I think...>.>

I feel so stupid

I hate this world and how right I am. I knew he would blow me off at the last minute. T_T I regret it. I always feel so alone People wanted to hang out and I said no because he was gonna come so now I feel stupid!!
It fucking serves me right to have believed in him in the first place. This is why I don't trust people....I can't stop my stupid tears now.

They make me feel so bad, The worst part I'm breaking and all I can think about is how nice it would be if I just died.. I don't have anyone I can talk to about how I feel, So I always end up bottling up my bad, sad emotions :.( I should have listened to myself and went with Fia..........I feel so empty at school, now at home? whf its so pose to be one or the other not both!

yep I'm late

I should write more. Ok for the past week its been fun I had threes partys to with more of my tougher friends and one with my good old juging freinds.. I love the people. Any way as partys go there all good. I'm sitting in class tonight I gotta git the FC I can't forget or be lazy grr.

I have been writing in my school books more then here, but thats only because I get bored super much in class. Its easyer writing stuff in it. I men I can write down all my thoughts. like umm I love fall and leafs I like that I got a new band just by saerching for random things. Its not bad being obbsessed with thing but its not good eather. I wish Hanna would tell me when the halloween thing was....I should get in video camra! I hope this class ends soon then I can go home.

Its always so boring on days like this omg I gotta ask what he ment!! O.O its probley a bad habbit what I'm doing but right now I don't mind>.< Damnit he said something...........Boring boring boring. The people are too noicy. I never speak to anyone inless they speak to me.

I wear my headphone all day I don't turn them off, and I know its sad Its been along time I havn't made any friends here.. The worst thing is I know some of them know I'm falling apart and feel sorry for me.

I don't get it much... I make friend easy but only in english, really easy too but when I speak swedish I die. >.> When I was little I use to say "I'm gonna run away somday and I won't look back". now days it wouldn't work out even if I trided. I care too much for people.

I do understand why so many teens kill them selfs here though. Its tough being alone. But they are selfsh too, becauseits not fair that someone has to go through losing some one just because your tired of life and you think its too hard.. Besides NO ONE SHOULD DIE ALONE!